Mascots need information

Everyone needs to know what's going on in their world. Right? We need to know stuff. That's a given. Mascots need information more than anyone so they can keep their anxiety levels manageable.

How can we keep you happy if we don't know what's going on?

In a previous post, we talked about Mascots/Placaters and what they were made of. I won't bore you by repeating myself so have a wee look at this if you don't know what Mascots are and then come back. I can wait.

So now you know what a Mascot/Placater is, we can carry on and see how to get some of what you need to be a fully-functioning, happy, healthy adult.

Why do Mascots need information?

When you know what is going on and why things are happening, you feel happy and secure. You feel like you have more control over your life. It's a part of being an adult.

When you were a child, people kept information from you and things happened around you and to you.

However, you are an adult now and you have the right to know what is happening in your own life. It's ok to ask questions.

Be brave and ask questions

How to be a brave mascot and ask for information

Before we go any further, I want you to get comfy and take a deep breath. Lower your shoulders, put both feet on the floor. We are going to do an imagination exercise.

First of all, I want you to remember a time you had a chat with someone and come away confused because you weren't sure what they were talking about. Got it? Good.

Imagine them talking to you, remember the feelings of confusion and anxiety. You can't ask questions.

They might think you think they don't know stuff. Or they might find out you don't know stuff. Or they might find out you are trying to save them by not digging too deep.

Now, remember how it felt in your body. Also, remember where you were, who was around, what time of day it was. It needs to be firmly in your mind.

Bring in the reinforcements

Secondly, I want you to imagine that someone else is there, on your right shoulder. They are teeny tiny and whispering in your ear.

They are the person in your life who is good at asking questions or someone on tv that you admire. Maybe a reporter.

This is not someone that intuitively knows what everyone is talking about. This is a person who asks questions. So, say hello to them by name, welcome them, you need them.

Use the questioner

Then, this is the fun part. Imagine a brand new conversation with the person who you felt confused with and the person who asks questions.

As well as the two of you humans, the person sitting on your shoulder is whispering great questions in your ear for you to ask.

You don't feel dumb or confused. The other person is engaging with you and you are both having a great time talking about the subject.

Immediately, you know all you need to know about what's going on. You are fully involved and onboard. You've got this.

A new you

Finally, picture yourself saying goodbye to your friend, taking the little questioner with you. They are always with you now, feeding you questions, helping you to know what's going on.

You are an adult, you have the right to know what's going on.

You won't upset people by asking questions. Generally, they like it. Nobody expects you to know everything.

If they do get upset, that's their problem, not yours.

In Psychodrama, we call this role integration. In other words, you are taking an aspect of Mascot life that isn't working any more and shrinking it by growing the role inside yourself of the questioner.

You don't have to look after everyone

Or make them happy. People are not going to get upset if you ask them questions. You need to know what's going on. Also, you need to take responsibility for yourself.

Not asking questions is tied to that old family rule - don't speak. You can learn more about this rule here. It is a pervasive rule, one that is very hard to break, but you are doing it by reading this article and even more if you talk about it with someone.

Keep in mind that mascots need information for two reasons. Firstly, to keep anxiety at bay. Secondly, we are taking responsibility for ourselves.

Arlin Cuncic over at verywellmind has some great stuff to say about asking questions. Especially for people who need practice.

Two types of questions

Closed questions start with

would
should
is
are
do you think

There is really only one way to answer these - yes or no. So, not much information there.

But open questions start with

who
what
where
when
how
why

You can't just answer them yes or no, therefore, they lead to people giving some thought to their answers and provide much more information.

After all, you are asking questions to know what's going on, to be involved with making decisions about yourself.

As well as the initial question, it's a good idea to ask some follow-up questions or phrases like "What do you mean?" "Tell me more about..." Or you could use any other of the open-ended questions. Give yourself a target of asking at least two more questions. Use your questioner.

Remember, the other person brought up the topic because they want to tell you about something. Therefore, it's ok to ask them questions about it because you need to know what they are telling you. They don't want to do all the work of reading your mind. They don't know what you know or don't know!

Take responsibility, take the power back and ask for what you need.

To Sum Up

Mascots need lots of information to keep anxiety at bay
You can break the family rule of don't talk
Imagine a teeny-tiny reporter on your shoulder feeding you questions
You don't have to look after everyone
People like to answer open questions
Lastly, you can take responsibility for yourself

Mascots need information