Welcome to words from my heart to yours
Breaking free from Co-dependence
In ACOA terms we call the addict the dependent and the people who are close to them, codependents. This sounds simple enough, right? Dependent and codependent. The addiction binds them together.
Each action causes a reaction, like a dance. Whenever the addict makes a mess, the codependent cleans it up. Then when the addict is sorry, the codependent forgives them. If the addict offends someone, then the codependent apologises for them. So the dance goes on.
Codependency is like a beast with five heads. The five heads are a way of looking at the behaviours that codependents have developed to make their lives liveable in the face of oppression and fear.
Recovery as an Adult Child of Alcoholics
There I was sitting in her office, the tears falling like rain.
The counsellor had just asked me about my childhood. I said ‘Mum was a big drinker’. Then I couldn’t stop crying.
I felt so relieved telling someone who understood what that meant.
The full impact.
That was the moment my recovery began. It all started with a simple question.
How Alcohol Abuse Affects Families
A dysfunctional family is one that doesn’t work as well as it could. Often, members of the family think they are working together but they are really working against each other.
Lost child
No-one notices the lost child, they love to be alone. This is where they are comfortable and safe. No-one can hurt them if no-one is around. The weird (maybe not so weird) thing about this is that behind the wall that they created they suffer intense loneliness. It’s a paradox.
Acting out child
You don’t need to be the naughty one any longer, let me show you how to change.
Family Violence
Dr. Lenore Walker developed the cycle of violence theory in 1979. She studied violence in the home and came to the conclusion that physical violence is unlikely to be a one-off episode. It is more often a constant presence in the home.
She based the cycle on the similarities in peoples’ stories of violence and broke it into three phases.
It starts with tension building. The home becomes tense; people get sensitive and argumentative. Others may attempt to reason and calm them. During this phase, people may antagonise each other.
Sometimes the waiting is worse than the violence.
Owning my own recovery
I’ve been in recovery for around 10 years now and I should have it all together, right?
Fortunately, recovery is a process, sometimes a life-long process. I don’t have to have it all together right away. As I get further and further into recovery I find deeper and deeper layers of pervasive learning that has to be undone and redone. I have to practise and practise being different until it's second nature.