Quest Three - Introduction

The spell that has determined her values is becoming known. Her eyes are opening. Her vision is clearing. A new person is emerging. A person that she doesn’t know, yet wants to. 

In this task, she welcomes the new person and peers into her, to know her.

In the next task you are going to examine your central organising factor. This may sound like a scary piece of jargon, but it’s ok, I’m going to explain. This means knowing what drives you; understanding your values. Perhaps the spell has permeated your being to such an extent that it has made you blind and deaf to yourself and your values. As you were growing up, you may have taken on other people’s values and continued to live by them.  You now try to fulfil those values in ways that frustrate you. 

The well-known role cluster you developed while you were growing up influences your central organising factor. They are bound together. If you are a Hero, your core values could be that the world works best when you look after everyone. A Mascot could say that the world works best when they make everyone laugh. A Lost Child could say that the world works best when everyone leaves them alone, and an Acting-Out Child could say that the world works best when they’re angry at everyone. It’s hard and takes effort to live by values that aren’t working any more. We aren’t those children anymore, and we can break the spell. 

Don Reekie gives us a very clear example of a central organising factor when he speaks about a woman, Jane:  

Such a factor can be seen to be informed by her core values, her ethical imperatives, her personal goals, her working for mutuality in relationships and commitment to communal health. The organizing factor might be her ventures to build up networks of relationships where her autonomy and creative expression are supported. Or perhaps it is her desire for creative expression itself, which is then followed by her efforts to support her creative purposes. The central organizing factor might be focused to: a woman with a mission to live free, make free and challenge rules wherever they might limit. 

When I was a child and forming my map of how the world worked, it didn’t take long for me to realise that if I made people laugh, I would be safe. Petrified of not fitting in, I did whatever I could to belong. I didn’t know what was going on most of the time (still don’t! But now I ask. Sometimes). I felt a strong sense of abandonment. I have a vivid memory of my five-year-old self wandering the playground singing ‘Nobody’s Child’. I also remember very clearly thinking to myself when I was 12 or so, “What do you need?  Who do you want me to be? I can be anyone you want.”  I’m sure you also have memories of events that formed your map or world view.

How does your world work best? Is it best if you look out for number one? Is it best if you look out for each other? Is it best if you are in control? Is it best if others are in control? As you build up a picture of your world, you can ask yourself these questions: 

• What is important to me? 

• How do I measure its importance? 

• Is it important that I earn a certain amount of money? 

• Do I need to have a certain number of friends? 

• Do I need to live in a certain place? 

• Alone or with others? 

• Who should do the housework? 

• What about children?

• Or child rearing?

• Do I need pets?

There are so many hidden judgements and values in everything we do. It’s only when we uncover them that we can understand our reactions. We were using the only tools we had at our disposal. 

Now, armed with self-knowledge, we are going to write a counter spell.

In the next lesson, we are going to complete our first task of knowing about what drives us.